MAKE CANTERBURY FLAT AGAIN
Everyone says Canterbury is so flat.
Well yes, it’s on an alluvial plain, but
it’s the Nor’wester that sends you mad
and there are the Port Hills, the Kaikouras,
the great backdrop of the Southern Alps,
but hell, let’s lean in and make it so,
give the folks what they want: we’ll make
it absolutely flat, (doG knows the earthquake
tried), we’ll sink it, truck out Olympic pools
of dirt (maybe surround the place with
mountains or launch a second small moon)
nuclear-powered mining leviathans sucking
it all away out of sight and out of mind,
and roll the place flat as a carpark, checking
every square centimetre with a spirit level.
Think of the fun we’ll have with base-jumping
wall-climbing, invite the world to ice-skate
on rinks the size of Manhattan. Reclaim
the glorious pancake flatness. Of course a lot
of the province won’t see sun until noon
and the place will be an inland sea for half
the year, but think of the waterfalls and pétanque.