MAKE CANTERBURY FLAT AGAIN

Everyone says Canterbury is so flat.

Well yes, it’s on an alluvial plain, but

it’s the Nor’wester that sends you mad

and there are the Port Hills, the Kaikouras,

the great backdrop of the Southern Alps,

but hell, let’s lean in and make it so,

give the folks what they want: we’ll make

it absolutely flat, (doG knows the earthquake

tried), we’ll sink it, truck out Olympic pools

of dirt (maybe surround the place with

mountains or launch a second small moon)

nuclear-powered mining leviathans sucking

it all away out of sight and out of mind,

and roll the place flat as a carpark, checking

every square centimetre with a spirit level.

Think of the fun we’ll have with base-jumping

wall-climbing, invite the world to ice-skate

on rinks the size of Manhattan. Reclaim

the glorious pancake flatness. Of course a lot

of the province won’t see sun until noon

and the place will be an inland sea for half

the year, but think of the waterfalls and pétanque.