MAKE CANTERBURY FLAT AGAIN
Everyone says Canterbury
is so flat.
Well yes, it’s on an
alluvial plain, but
it’s the Nor’wester that
sends you mad
and there are the Port
Hills, the Kaikouras,
the great backdrop of the
Southern Alps,
but hell, let’s lean in
and make it so,
give the folks what they
want: we’ll make
it absolutely flat, (doG
knows the earthquake
tried), we’ll sink it,
truck out Olympic pools
of dirt (maybe surround
the place with
mountains or launch a
second small moon)
nuclear-powered mining
leviathans sucking
it all away out of sight
and out of mind,
and roll the place flat as
a carpark, checking
every square centimetre
with a spirit level.
Think of the fun we’ll
have with base-jumping
wall-climbing, invite the
world to ice-skate
on rinks the size of
Manhattan. Reclaim
the glorious pancake
flatness. Of course a lot
of the province won’t see
sun until noon
and the place will be an
inland sea for half
the year, but think of the
waterfalls and pétanque.
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