AN ARTHURIAN SCHOLIUM



Scholars of the Matter of Britain tell us,
that Astolat, or Shalott (as in Tennyson’s
Lady of) like the onion, somewhere between
Londinium and Camelot, (if Camelot
is Roman Camulodunum, or Colchester)
is ruddy Chelmsford! I mean, don’t get me wrong,
Chelmsford has its pebbledash charms,
the cathedral’s nice, and my cousins
lived in Writtle, but I baulk at the idea
of Elaine as an Essex girl, orange and bleach
ogling a chavvy Launcelot in his tricked-out
Evo… The mirror cracked from side to side

Tennis, anyone?

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